questionable at best

the trials and tribulations of begging the bus driver to pull over while trying to maintain your dignity

May 09, 2024

backstage at Paradiso in Amsterdam, April 2024

photo by Phoebe Fox ♡

When your body decides to do a factory reset at 1am, you realize how embarrassing existing can be. In life, you are truly only one bad piece of beef away from having the same body control of a newborn baby.

Looking back, I think I must have licked a bunch of park benches growing up because I don’t tend to get sick very often. That is why when I found myself nauseous on a bus to Berlin, I refused to believe something was actually wrong until I had to beg the bus driver to pull over and found myself sprinting across a parking lot into a Circle K.

Deeply un-chic. (Thank you to Graeme, our beautiful driver! A true king.)

Towards the end of a tour, things begin to mesh together a bit. Some days you only see the inside of venues, you’re losing track of time, and you can forget about getting any vitamin D or answering the multiple unread emails that haunt your inbox.

This is the time where I become the ultimate hard gal to reach. I’m trying to break that cycle, so here’s some random thoughts that I want to speak out loud, along with a bunch of photos. The goal now is to keep the wheels turning upstairs. It works in my head, hopefully it works on paper.

LETS GIT INTO IT

a lovely load out in Belgium. courtesy of a great crew ♡

`THE` “`ALMOST DONE WITH TOUR” CHECKLIST`

broken hair clips
missed calls
pimple patches that don’t work
green rooms with a lingering silence (not awkward, very grateful)
washing your clothes in a bathtub, colonial woman style
a phone with zero data left
chipped nail polish
becoming nose blind
questionable bra smell
believing in cryptids
broken phone screen
lost laminates
cutting your bangs in the venue bathroom (yes they are lopsided, no i don’t want to talk about it!)
sleeping with jeans on
everyone wearing tour merch because all other clothes are dirty
smeared makeup
sharing perfumes
2am unintentional & slightly shameful fast food meet ups
longer hugs
dive bars
losing your voice
overstaying your welcome at load out (the intention of a gab girl is never malicious but sometimes overbearing & in the way)
toothpicks
haunted photographs
a passing hi-five
“that really flew by, huh?”